I was not uncomfortable because I was alone. I was uncomfortable because I was finally listening to myself.

I am sharing this because recently, I noticed that many things happen in my life naturally put me in stressful situations. Running businesses, working in immigration where decisions matter, travelling to new places, and constantly stepping into the unknown all require emotional stability. And maybe this is why Vipassana still stays with me until today.

I’ve done Vipassana meditation twice, both in 2017 & 2018 at a Dhamma centre in Bogor, near Jakarta. It was a 10-day silent course. No phone, no talking, no reading, no eye contact. Just me, my mind, and my breath. I went in without thinking much and thought silence would feel peaceful. But I was wrong. Silence felt loud (crazy loud), and it was so confronting that I quit the first time on my third day. I regretted leaving, so I enrolled again. That second time taught me something important: discomfort is not always something to escape from. Sometimes, discomfort is where we learn how patient, strong, and grounded we can become.

Before, especially a younger me when I felt pressure, I wanted to react quickly. I wanted to fix everything asap and wanted the uncomfortable feeling to disappear. But since then, everything feels different. I feel more in control, even unconsciously, especially after practising Vipassana meditation - like I am always reminded to breathe, to observe, and to let the moment pass before I respond.

It does not mean I am always calm. I definitely still feel stressed, and still overthink sometimes. But after practising Vipassana, I've learned how to deal with those feelings differently.

The First Few Days Were Not Peaceful

I remember close to 8 years ago, in the first few days, my mind would not stop. Thoughts kept coming, one after another. Old memories came up and I cried more than once. Random worries came up. Conversations from years ago came up, even things I thought I had already moved on from suddenly appeared again. It felt like everything I had been avoiding finally had space to speak. That was when I realised something simple but honest: I was not uncomfortable because I was alone. I was uncomfortable because I was finally listening to myself.

To make it even harder, I couldn’t share it out loud. I couldn’t tell someone the story, write it down, or do something about it. I just had to sit with it, and maybe that was the main lesson.

What Vipassana Taught Me

What changed me the most was not the silence, but the technique of focusing on my breath, observing the body, and notice sensations without reacting to them. Vipassana taught me how to observe instead of react. It taught me how to pause before responding. It taught me that I do not always need to follow every thought that comes into my mind.

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Sometimes, a thought can come. And I can simply notice it.
I do not have to chase it.
I do not have to believe it.
I do not have to become it.

Final Reflection

Sometimes, the quiet is exactly what I need.

And being alone is no longer something I avoid. Vipassana gave me something I can always return to.

My breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Just that.

Recently, I’ve also been more disciplined with contrast therapy. Moving between hot and cold is uncomfortable, but it has helped me train my response even more. When the temperature shifts, the first reaction is to tense up or panic. But I focus on controlling my breath instead. Staying steady in those moments reminds me that I can stay calm even when my environment is not.

I hope this reminds you that you don’t always need to escape the stress or the silence. Sometimes, just pausing and coming back to your breath is enough.

C

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