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The more I stand firm in who I am, the more I notice people who look for someone to lean on — not out of love, but out of fear of choosing for themselves.

You know the type: when something goes wrong, it’s never their fault.
At first, I thought, maybe I’m just being sensitive or or maybe I was ignoring the signs. I made decisions because I cared but the more I did, the more I realised they didn't see it the way I did. They saw you as someone who would take responsibility for their life.

The Psychology Behind Blaming

When people blame others, they protect their ego. It often comes from fear, shame, or a lack of emotional tools.

We call them naive, but maybe it's more than that. Some people grew up in environments where no one ever taught them how to reflect or maybe they were protected their whole life and never needing to take real responsibility. Sometimes, people grew up in families where mistakes were punished, not discussed. So they learned: “Blaming others keeps them safe.”

Example:

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“I didn’t apply for this insurance for our parents… because my sister never asked.” 👉 (Meaning: I avoided making a decision, and now I’m shifting the responsibility to her.)
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“I wanted to raise the price… but my husband didn’t want to, so I just followed.” 👉 (Meaning: I gave up my choice, and now I’m using him as a reason for the outcome.)
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“Your father didn’t send me money, so I sold the gift he gave you.”
👉 (Meaning: I made a choice, but I want you to be upset at him, not me.)

Dealing With Chronic Blamers

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Some people don’t want help. They want someone to do the hard parts of life for them. So please stay away. You’ll find yourself burnt out, resentful, and confused how you got there helping them that much. And when you finally step back? They’ll blame you for that too.
  1. Set emotional boundaries.
    You’re not here to carry someone else’s life on your back.
  2. Stop over-explaining.
    You don’t need to justify every choice to someone who doesn’t listen.
  3. Lead with calm, not guilt.
    You can say no with love. You can care without carrying.
  4. Keep being you.
    Just because they avoid reflection, doesn’t mean you have to. Remember to stay kind, not for them but for yourself because bitterness makes you heavy, not them.
“Be kind, not because others deserve it — but because you do.”

Conclusion: Let Go of People Who Drain You

You can’t change people who don’t want to reflect. They’ll keep making excuses like, “Oh, I didn’t think of it.” “I thought you’d handle it.” “No one told me.”
But you can change how much energy you give them.
Protect your peace. Be around people who take ownership, not those who point fingers.

You deserve a space where growth is mutual, not one-sided.
And remember: caring doesn’t mean carrying everyone’s emotional baggage.


Thank you for letting them go.

Remember to be grateful. Even if it’s just for the lesson, the awareness, or the strength you’ve gained through it all. Gratitude keeps your heart soft. Boundaries keep your soul safe. You need both.

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