The more you blend in, the more you disappear.

The reason I’m writing this is because I’ve been reflecting on how to explain one question I get asked a lot: “Why did you move to Japan alone for a year?” It sounds lonely, but for me, it’s been peaceful. Back home, distractions pulled me in too many directions. Here, I can focus on work, health, and study.

I also enjoy reading Carl Jung’s work, especially around psychology and self-development. Recently, I found one of his ideas on emotional traps incredibly relevant to what I’ve been going through.

I'll walk through seven of those emotional traps Jung warned us about and how I’ve experienced them. I hope it gives you something to think about in your own journey too.

1. Living in the Past

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."
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I remember failing one work project and suddenly thinking maybe I wasn’t smart enough. That one moment often made me question my entire potential—even though deep down, I knew I had worked hard. And it’s not just us younger ones—I’ve had similar talks with my mum about my uncle. He often played old music and drifted into memories of his youth. He’d tell us stories of the past, and I could feel how much he held on to them. It was a little sad, especially knowing he passed away so early. Sometimes the weight of memory becomes heavier than the moment itself. ☹️

I also had a friend who had just gone through a breakup and decided to move out. I told her to find a new place that was even better than the one she shared with her ex. She didn't do it. She found a less better place to stay alone and within 2 weeks, she back to the old relationship.

How it affects you: Carl Jung argued that if we don’t bring our past into conscious awareness, it controls us. Living in the past can leave you feeling stuck, bitter, and disconnected from your future self. You may find your motivation fading, your self-worth crumbling, and your ability to imagine new possibilities slowly disappearing.

How to cope:

  • Travel. Explore new places, meet more people, and create new memories.
  • Stay active and occupy yourself with positivity.
  • Focus on what you can change today.

2. Chasing Perfection

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Back in school, I would avoid posting photos unless they were heavily edited. I panicked if I didn’t get an A, not because I loved the subject but because I felt like I had to prove something. I remember being invited to a few gatherings but skipped them just because I didn’t feel "ready enough"—like if I wasn’t looking my best or had something impressive to say, I didn’t deserve to show up (eew me). And the worst part? I was in a wrong circle. They were good people with different values. I should’ve just gone to enjoy the moment, but instead, I spent it trying to measure up,

Eventually, I realised something important: if you constantly feel like you’re not enough, you need to ask—is it really me? Or is it the room I’m in?

How it affects you: Jung believes that when we over-identify with a fictional version of ourselves, we could lose touch with our authentic self. You may feel continuous pressure to perform and fear of failure, like you’re living for others’ expectations. It gives the illusion of connection, yet deep down, you feel alone.

How to cope:

  • Do things for fun—not just for praise.
  • Set realistic goals.
  • Change your circle. Find people to be accountable so you can keep things up.

3. Hiding Your Shadow

Jung called this the "shadow self"—the parts of us we ignore or hide.
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You’re angry but never talk about it. I think this rarely happened to me because I often pushed these feelings aside. But even if I ignored them, they were still there—quietly affecting me. For example, I used to neglect my health. At the time, I didn’t see how unhealthy I had become, but looking back now, I realise how much better I feel today. Another example is competitiveness at work—it sometimes overwhelmed me, but I would avoid it or distract myself rather than facing it directly.

How it affects you: Carl Jung stated that everyone has a "shadow"—the parts of ourselves we try to hide or deny, like anger, envy, fear, or even insecurity. When wedenythese emotions, we don’t get rid of them—they simply gounnoticedand build pressure. Over time, this can lead to anxiety.

How to cope: I’ve learned that bottling things up doesn’t make me stronger—I need toacknowledgethose feelings, even in private moments (write it down, negotiate to yourself and find a solution to make them less power)– It can be through journaling, or creative expression.

4. Negative People

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This often happens and you know it right after the meeting ends. Some people talk only about themselves and don’t ask about you. They talk more about others and news instead of dreams or meaningful work. They often play the victim and act like nothing is in their control. You know the type, right? It feels draining instead of inspiring.

How it affects you: Carl Jung believed the people around us can influence our thoughts and feelings more than we realise. If you're always with people who complain, criticise, or bring you down, you might feel depressed about yourself too. 🙁

How to cope:

  • Spend more time with people who uplift you.
  • It's okay to walk away from people who don’t help you feel your best.
  • Remember: Your vibe attracts your tribe.

5. Fearing Solitude

Have you met anyone who’s scared of being lonely or just doesn’t know what to do with themselves when they’re alone?
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Constantly scrolling on social media, avoiding quiet moments.
I remember in the beginning, it felt strange eating out alone, walking alone, being in silence. But slowly, I got used to it. Then I started to enjoy it. Over time, I’ve become very comfortable in my own company. People often ask me, "Why don’t you have a partner?" It’s not really because I’m too picky—it’s just that I genuinely enjoy spending time by myself. Having this kind of peace inside makes me more clear-headed, more logical, and more mindful about who I would want to let into my life. I’m not in a rush—because being alone doesn’t mean I’m lacking anything.

How it affects you: Carl Jung said that getting to know oneself requires time alone. But if you're afraid to be alone, you might have a tendency to look for distractions, or people, just to avoid facing your true thoughts. Over time, this can stop you from growing, and you might lose the courage to make decisions on your own.

How to cope: I’ve learnt that being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. It’s actually a time to recharge, reflect, and listen to what you truly need. When you stop running from silence, you start finding peace.

6. Over-Identifying with Your Ego

I wasn’t really trying to connect—I was trying to impress.
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I realised I was building a version of myself based on what looked good from the outside, not what felt true inside. I remember a time when I tied my worth to achievements. If I wasn’t busy, achieving something, or doing something "cool," I felt behind. Even in conversations, I found myself only sharing things that sounded impressive—like "I did this project," or "I travelled to this country," and so on. I wasn’t really trying to connect—I was trying to impress. It became a habit, like I had to constantly prove I was doing okay. And over time, it became tiring.

How it affects you: Carl Jung said that when we care too much about how we look to others, we canlose sight ofwho we really are. You might dothings tolook successful or get likes—but inside, you feel lost or not good enough.

How to cope:

  • Unplug from social media now and then.
  • Do things that matter to you, not just for applause.
  • Reflect on who you are when no one is watching.

7. Avoiding Change

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I remember when I worked with a client who had the opportunity to apply for a scholarship abroad. She was thrilled at first, but she almost didn’t apply. She was scared—scared of failing, scared of change, scared to step away from what was familiar.

I encouraged her: just try. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, at least you won’t wonder "what if." She applied. And she got it. That one small moment of courage changed the entire course of her life. Looking back, I realised how close she came to letting fear hold her back. Change can be uncomfortable—but that discomfort is often the doorway to your next breakthrough.

How it affects you: Carl Jung believed that growth comes from facing the unknown. But many people avoid change because it feels scary or uncomfortable. When you stay in your comfort zone too long, you stop learning and growing.

How to cope:

  • Take small steps towards something new.
  • Remind yourself that growth often feels uncomfortable.
  • Trust that discomfort can lead to transformation.
  • Find a right people or circle to support you!

Final Thoughts

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Jung believed that true strength doesn’t come from pretending everything is fine or pushing away pain. It comes from doing the brave work of facing where we get stuck—mentally, emotionally, or even socially—and choosing to grow from it instead of staying small. This isn’t always comfortable, but comfort doesn’t build character.

Yes, that was me before—a person who used to pretend everything was fine. I lived by 'fake it till you make it,' thinking that if I smiled enough, worked harder, and stayed quiet about my struggles, I'd eventually feel better. But that mindset is misleading if you’re unaware of the emotional trap you’re stuck in.

That’s why I decided to spend time alone this time—hoping I don't lose sight of who I really am for the second time 😋

Quote to remember:

My motto: Awareness leads to clarity. Clarity leads to strength.

So ask yourself:

  • What’s one real, small step I can take to shift into a better space?

Have a me time and love it.

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